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How sad... I'm now in the "inactive blog" list on someone's blog. moo. Its true though... this blog is inactive.
I guess that's because all I have to write about these days is how awful my job is and how its basically killing me. There's too much work for one person, they refuse to hire anyone to help me again, they cut us all back to 4 days a week and then my workload doubled. They finally put me back on 5 days a week again when they figured out that they were paying me more in overtime over 4 days versus 5 days. That an I went to several in management and told them "you're killing me. I'm going to spontaneously combust and you won't have anyone to do my job."
Aside from overwork, my job is also making my physically ill. Sometimes, I just hurt after a week of work. Its like my skin doesn't fit right or something. Am I sick, or unable to handle 50+ hours a week anymore? I don't know. I haven't been to a doctor because I haven't had time. And I really hate doctors. I know I need to go see one tho. In addition to the physical body pain, I've also developed psoriasis which may be simply allergy related/chemical sensitivity related, or specifically hexavalent chromium sensitivity (it can cause psoriasis.) Its wacky to watch its development... its all on the right side of my body. Isn't that strange? I mean, why just one side? Its not extensive.. just patches here and there.. the back of the arm, the crook of the elbow, back of the knee, a patch on the right shoulder. The latest is the hand. I remember a friday where I came home and my hand was so swollen and sore, I couldn't type or hold anything. That was how the newest patch on the back of the right hand started.
I count my blessings that I'm not bleeding from my fingertips at least, like my coworker who does the chrome 6 analysis. He has psoriasis too. We hang out and compare skin ulcers. Its a bonding thing. I have to say, his is truly spectacular.. weeping blisters, self lacerating skin... its like a train wreck... you gotta look.
Sucks when the train wreck is you, though.
I know I sound blase' about it all... I'm not. I'm actually rather upset about the whole health and safety thing at work, and the culture there that you're somehow a wimp and not cut out for life in the lab if you have health and safety concerns. Its fucked up. And right now I'm stuck because I have this stupid need for housing food clothing etc.
Truly though, I can't remember when I've been *this* unhappy with my situation. Yes, I'm working to change it, but its slow going. Lately, I look back on my pre-goin-back-to-school career and wonder wtf I was thinking in leaving it. All my friends told me "you're so brave to leap into the unknown like this..." Lately, I'm thinking I was just really stupid. What have I done to myself? Who was I to think I could start over and have it be a positive thing?
Hey but speaking of my health, I started smoking again. There was alcohol involved... always is when I start smoking again. This time, a martini. Not even a good martini. But there's a happy side to it... I quit again. I chose the the anniversary of my folks' death for my quit date. Seems to help. Its been almost a month. So two months of smoking in the last two years. That's progress of some sort. Go me.
So what I put to you all: your job, should you choose to accept it, is to visualize me in a new job. (hey, I'm californian.. we're all into visualization out here.) This isn't a hard task for you... you don't have to recharge your crystals, align yer chakras or cross anyone's palm with silver. Just imagine me in a job, any job except the one I have. Well, there are other things I wouldn't do, but... The job I want doesn't have to pay well, just has to not poison me and have minimal soul suckage.
That doesn't seem like a lot to ask for from a life, does it?
I really need out of this job. Did I mention its killing me?
posted by
Just Mary at 5:21 AM
6 comments
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