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wSpring Tide |
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The tandem pull of the sun and the moon
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wThursday, October 24, 2002 |
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Well, the students have their first exam tomorrow. Only thing I told them about the exam was that it was straightforward and fair (which it is.) A strapping young man said to me with an engaging smile "you've seen the exam? Did you know I'm a gigilo?" I laughed and then in a serious tone replied "did you know I helped write the policy and documentation on academic integrity for the university?"
(Hee. Mary flexes her authority)
I actually wasn't going to look at the exam before leading this section tonight because I was afraid I'd inadvertantly give something away. I couldn't resist, however. I didn't spend a lot of time reviewing the exam, but I did look it over. And I think I did fine on not giving anything away. Next time, I'm not going to look before hand tho. Gives me a lil more freedom.
I hope they do well. Many will do fine, but some are gonna fail it, which is a shame, because its not out of their reach. But like a cat warily circling a fluttering monster piece of paper, these students don't quite know how to pounce on the material. They look at it from the front and the back and the side, touch it with their paw, but they never really quite wade in. And I don't quite yet know how to get 'em in the biochem waters with me.. I've been standing knee deep in it, splashing 'em, dancing, woo hooing, making bad puns, but some are still standing back from it, eying it like its going to bite. I mean, I understand Ochem phobia. Its legendary. But biochem is so easy in comparison. Or at least it was for me.
I remember the hardest part for me when I started back to school -- it was learning to be ok with not knowing, with hanging out in the grey of non-comprehension. Pretty much, if you hang there and don't freak out over the fact you don't understand, you'll figure it out. If you freak out over it, you'll never learn. I think there might even be studies showing how the emotion of fear retards learning and memory.
I think that discomfort with being in the grey of noncomprehension is what keeps some from splashin in the waters with me. For some, its like they've given up on understanding. They figure they'll never "get it." I wanna yell at some of them "hey! if you start saying you'll never get it, then YOU'LL NEVER GET IT." I would like to figure out how to get 'em past that fear. I love the subject and want them to like it too. Luv me, luv biochem. Heh. how's that for silly?
Maybe I can't teach students to learn, but can only help 'em with the material. I don't know. Its late and I should be sleeping. In any case, I'll be thinking about the students tomorrow as they take the exam. Send 'em good thoughts, if you can.
posted by
Just Mary at 1:32 AM
7 comments
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wSaturday, October 19, 2002 |
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Ah, the weekend. As I sit here, sipping a Peet's soy latte' (its heaven... truly... try it with a dash of cinnamon) I try to reflect back on all the things I thought of while driving on my commute that I wanted to write about.
There is nothing in my brain. (no, that's not one of the topics...)
Oh. One thing I remember: if you are near a university library, or are yourself personally blessed with a subscription to Science Magazine (and I'm jealous of those so blessed...) check out the October 11th issue for a good article on the Pfiesteria controversy. (you have to register to get into science's site, but I've bookmarked the article summary for anyone who wants to read it online --subscribers have full access -- bastids.)
The article gives a good assessment of the problems with Pfiesteria research and some of the controversy around the woman who's done a lot of work on the organism. Its pretty shocking stuff, at least in the world of HAB (harmful algal bloom) research -- totally scandalous.
The gist of the Pfiesteria controversy is that almost no one has been able to reproduce the most funded researchers' work (Joann Burkholder). She's completely paranoid about criticism, so she won't share data, cell cultures or collaborate in double blind studies to reproduce her results. Her famous website has sly references to integrity issues for researchers who get results that don't match her own (she questions their funding sources, basically.) In short, anyone who doesn't agree with her is The Enemy. Its all very weird.
This summer 3 papers came out questioning Joann Burkholder's results. Basically, they're saying that the imfamous 24 stage life cycle of Pfeisteria championed by Burkholder is not true -- that the organism has a similar life cycle as other members of its phyla. The moderator of an email list I belong to (Phycotoxins) sent an announcement of those papers to the list. I think the authors' forwarded an announcement to him to include. Burkholder totally spazzed out on the very staid phycotoxins email list, sending this screaming response charging the moderator with irresponsibly publishing the announcements of the papers. I mean this is an email list of pretty dry stuff... mostly other folk looking for info or announcements of conferences or positions open or papers. And then the Screaming Banshee lets loose.
Thuds were heard across the world as jaws hit the floor.
Shortly after this brouhaha, an environmental group -- the Waterkeeper's Alliance from Burkholder's home state of North Carolina, announced it was suing every single recipient of Pfeisteria funding to turn over all their lab notes, emails and data. In their triumphant, almost gloating announcement, the Alliance is asserting malfeasance because no one has come up with the toxin in 10 years of federally funded research. Never mind that its taken 15- 25 years to characterize other algal toxins. I mean, this is hard stuff, and its compounded by the fact that the most funded researcher, one who has worked the political game hard, refuses to participate in double blind studies, refuses to share cell cultures and refuses to share data and protocols, except what she's published.
Can you imagine, (for those of you who run or work in labs) what a suit to turn over all records of your work -- lab logs, emails, notes -- would do to your ability to do your work?
My take on the whole thing is that Burkholder, the woman I mentioned above, is behind the environmental suit, even tho' she's also required to turn over her data and records. In the past she's gotten people fired when she didn't like the way funding has been distributed. She's only shared her cultures with people who promise not to share them with others -- in short, only with those sympathetic to her pov. She's extremely friendly with the enviro groups ta boot. I bet they don't make the demands on her that they'll make on the others.
I've decided she's insane.
Mind you, I think that there is a toxin at work. I think the folks who work along those estuarine waterways have been getting sick. I think the run-off from the pig farms in NC is part of the problem or is in some way causative of the blooms -- increased nutrients in the water allow these blooms to happen. I believe that a group like WaterKeeper's Alliance is a good thing. I think you have to fight hard to protect the environment. I just think the group is being duped by Burkholder to file this suit to quash her critics and keep the millions of dollars of funding that's at stake flowing to her lab.
I have no proof of any of this, of course. I've just watched this particular researcher at work over the past year and have made a point to learn the history of the issue. I've read most of what she's published as well as those few researchers brave enough to question her results. I think there's an alternative explanation for the toxin and I think she's totally missing it.
Of course, I say that with all the arrogance of an undergraduate who thinks she knows it all.
There's a lot of work that remains to be done on Pfeisteria. The algal blooms are fascinating (to me) and probably are linked to human pollution. The sad thing is that this frivolous harassing lawsuit lessens the strength of that argument. It makes "our side" look bad. The behavior of this most funded researcher makes me ashamed to admit that she once was my hero. (And at my age, a good hero is hard to find) Her parnoid reactionary behavior plays into the interests of those who want to keep on polluting. When I first heard about Burkholder, I believed her pr. "Maligned, abused, harassed by the powerful economic interests of North Carolina, she persevered to tell the world and save us from this evil human caused toxin." (paraphrased...) I'm now ashamed to say I aspired to work with her. How naive I was.
posted by
Just Mary at 7:13 PM
18 comments
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wMonday, October 14, 2002 |
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Well, it was a lollygagger. Slept my face off, clanned my butt off and in general, did nada. I need more weekends like that.
This week feels positively light, as I only have one SAT student on Wednesday evening. I mean, tomorrow is only a 12 hour day! What am I going to do with myself?
posted by
Just Mary at 12:21 AM
12 comments
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wSaturday, October 12, 2002 |
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I'm an idiot.
And (say it with me) I'm so tired.
This past week was my 3rd or 4th 60-70 hour work week. I haven't had a day off in a month. I have one student tomorrow but I'm going to try to reschedule her.
When I'm this tired its really easy to feel bad. Yup. Really easy.
Time to stfu.
posted by
Just Mary at 12:09 AM
2 comments
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wFriday, October 11, 2002 |
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I'm tired, I'm sneezy, my hands are stiff and I don't WANNA go to work at the toxics lab today. moo. TGIF, at least.
I have all these ambitious plans of all the things I'm going to get done this weekend. None of which involve me lollygagging around the house in my jammies and doing whatever I feel like.
Something is wrong with this picture.
Sigh.
Well, at least watching Buffy is in my schedule.
posted by
Just Mary at 10:30 AM
0 comments
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wTuesday, October 08, 2002 |
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Section tonight rocked. Red bull really does give you wings. I even danced like a lil potassium ion in solution.
yippee!
heh.
posted by
Just Mary at 12:57 AM
4 comments
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wMonday, October 07, 2002 |
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Healthy again. Yay. Well, except for the freakin skin allergy symptoms. My body is freakin out from the chemicals I play with all day. Got a really great rash on my arm from a solvent splash on an acid burn. Itches like crazy. I'm buying stock in Benedryl cream.
Itch itch itch itch. Can't wait to go back to work at the toxics factory tomorrow.
posted by
Just Mary at 1:19 AM
3 comments
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wFriday, October 04, 2002 |
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I had my first discussion section wednesday night. I'd come home sick from work, gone to bed, slept 6 hours, got up and went up to school. Eight students showed, which was cool. I felt like I SUCKED which wasn't so cool. I felt like I couldn't explain a frigging thing in a way that anyone could understand.
Blitz spoke of the lightbulb of understanding that crosses a student's face and what a great feeling that is... well, the flip side of it is the blank stare of noncomprehension. And it sucks 3 day old flyblown dead baby meshra.
I got one or two concepts across, I guess, but it was all so uphill. One of my students got frustrated with the whole thing and left.
Mooo.
Maybe it will be better when I'm not so sick. Right now, I'm not a happy girl.
posted by
Just Mary at 12:55 AM
10 comments
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wWednesday, October 02, 2002 |
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It was bound to happen. I'm sick.
Bad cold, seems to want to hang out in my chest. Not good. It's due in part, no doubt, to the number of hours I've been working. I did over 70 last week and was on my way to 73 this week. No, I haven't been taking my vitamins. Bad mary. I was out of 'em. So on my way home from work -- I left after a few hours -- I picked up some multis.
I am realizing I can't do all three jobs right now. So I'm not going to pick up more tutorees after the october 12 SAT. Its just too hard and too crazy. I need the money, but I can't afford to get sick.
mooo.
Off to bed with me.
posted by
Just Mary at 12:29 PM
5 comments
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