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The tandem pull of the sun and the moon
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wSaturday, May 26, 2001 |
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Durn. Blogvoices, what I currently use for the comments system, is down right now. Dunno if its coming back or not. So I guess the raging discussions that have been ongoing on my blog will cease fer a lil while. heh.
Wow. A weekend with real social plans. I can hardly contain myself! I get to eat, drink and be Mary. Tonight, a jam party with a couple of women I know. Should be fun -- its been way too long. Tomorrow, another party. This is like, real life... I sorta remember that.
Have a six pack of Fish Tale Ale for tonight, brewed by some friends I knew in MN who started a brewery in Olympia. Crayne and Mary were more, friends of friends, but I have always admired their dedication to all things fishy. Good people. Good beer. If you live near there, go check it out... they donate a portion of proceeds from their beers to support preserving wild endangered salmon.
Oh... and they make organic beer taboot.
posted by
Just Mary at 6:59 AM
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wTuesday, May 22, 2001 |
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Onward and upward. Nice thing about being low is that you eventually start moving up. One can hope, anyway. I have a plan at least -- a variation on my previous plan. 4 weeks of 2nd quarter Ochem in the summer instead of 8 weeks of physics. Taking steps to recover from the disaster of late fall and winter (when I got sick, culimating in surgery in Jan) Fall quarter off, then three courses in winter and one course in the spring. Oh and my senior thesis...
I've been feeling sorta unenthused about the project I was going to do, on sexual reproduction in a mostly clonal anemone called Aiptasia pulchella. Its used as a model research organism and is alleged to sexually reproduce although its primarily clonal in the lab. No one has ever figured out its sexual reproduction. (Its prolly not that important.) Heh. It wouldn't be a ground breaking project - I am an undergrad after all - but I worry that having no molecular work in a senior thesis won't look as good for grad school.
Back to the anemones tho -- in taking care of the critters last year, I noticed that when we deprived them of light, (to induce "bleaching" similar to coral bleaching events) they sexually reproduced. (kind of funny -- turn out the lights and they all have sex... ) So basically, my project would be to make anemones have sex and record the environmental variables under which it happens, microphotograph the gonads, etc. Ideally, I would like to be able to do this in bleached and unbleached critters. (the anemones have a symbiosis with a dinoflagellate algae, similar to corals) I *think* that environmental stress induces sexual reproduction -- happens in a lot of critters with two modes of reproduction. When times are good, fission to multiply the genome that happens to be working. When times are bad, recombine those genes with sex. It would be interesting if I could make that correlation.
Actually, now that I think about it again, it sounds kinda fun. The risk is that I may not see sexual reproduction in the lab in spite of the fine running-seawater facilities we have. Failed results are still results but... It makes for a less interesting paper.
I feel like such a flake sometimes... now that I'm taking developmental biology, I want to study *that* more... focusing on one aspect of the field is such a bitch for me for some reason.
There's also a second project I'd like to do as a followup to a project I did on a beautiful red alga called Microcladia coulteri for my Marine Botany class. (all marine plants are called algae, btw) The alga grows epiphytically on a wide variety of other red and brown algae, but appears to take no nutrients from its "host" (called a basiphyte). It would be fairly simple -- do some population density measurements on a basiphyte with Microcladia on it on a given population over a year, and compare it to a population with no epiphytes and see what the winter storms do to the populations. (the hypothesis being that basiphytes with a heavy microcladia load will be ripped up more than basiphytes with little or no ephiphytic load. I may just do that regardless of whether or not its an "official senior thesis." But again, that's totally organismal. Its interesting to me in that it involves symbiosis/mutualism -- both projects do, actually. But the point of this blathering is that its so easy for me to go off on this or that track, and I seem to be easily distracted by whatever field I'm taking classes in... whatever is giving me the most "gee whiz" moments per lecture. Microcladia was a previous gee whiz moment. Heh. (actually what's really cool about it, imho is that one species of Microcladia is resistant to toxins secreted by some hosts. Makes me wonder "how did that get there? " Wonder if some of the subspecies genomes have been sequenced... Hmm.) Ok ok, I'm still interested in it, so I shouldn't discount it as a simple "gee whiz" moment.
sigh. I just want to keep getting high on biology.
For grad school, my interests so far are: working on developmental pathways involved in disease; evolution of developmental pathways; physiology and evolution of symbiosis; antartica biology and ecology; coral reef biology and ecology; Virology especially filoviruses (think Ebola virus) anything having to do with the dinoflaggelate pfeisteria... (24 stage lifecycle, secretes a potent airborne neurotoxin in one of those stages...) you see my point, however. Should I worry about focus at this point? I don't know. Sure seems like I'm pretty scattered. On the other hand, it feels like I could go in any direction and probably be happy.
All I do know I just want to keep learning biology.
Still have some time to figure this out.. but not much.
The exam last week was a surprise -- a lot harder than I expected. The prof wrote it instead of the grad student, and wasn't there at the exam to answer questions about what he was asking for. It was a little confusing and frustrating, as he's not always very clear. I put more time into studying for this one than the previous one, and thought I was going to bang it out in no time flat.
I'm going to miss this class. It's probably the last cool biology class I'll take as an undergraduate, except for my sentior thesis work. And whatever classes I take through University extension in 2002. Just because I graduate doesn't mean I'm going to stop taking classes. In spite of the fact that I will take more classes, there is some wistfulness about this last "official" biology class in my undergrad career.
Cannabinoids are essential to the brain's proper function. Who'd a thunk it?
posted by
Just Mary at 7:07 AM
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wWednesday, May 16, 2001 |
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Done studying for the night... ah, my life is too exciting. Good thing I love the material... it always leaves me with questions, wanting to know more. Yes, I have an exam tomorrow.
Now for all you Dwarven Militia types... BEER!! as you've never seen it before.
If you like those, check out the beers from around the world.
heh.
posted by
Just Mary at 2:49 AM
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wTuesday, May 15, 2001 |
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Wow.... I kin post again. Nice new changes to the blog system too.. more status messages as you wait to publish (with fingers crossed, lately).
I'm in exam prep mode again. It seems to take me out of my head and make me feel better. Maybe my problem is I just spend to much time in my musty old brain. Its just there's all this baggage to inspect and dump off the train... periodically it falls off the shelves where its been stashed for years and I gotta go through it before I get rid of it.
Good to have a break from it tho. I kinda know why I was such a workaholic in my 20s.
Not much time to clan lately... I've been missing the nightly hunts. Today I came out for a few minutes... was going to chat with Malkie... but a snert in my face sorta ruined my mood. So back to the lib and back to the books.
Which is where I'm off to again.
Oh, but before I go... IJWTS gene names are pretty fun. My favorite so far is the "Dickhead" gene (actually Dickkopf, but my prof insists it means dickhead) and "Sonic Hedgehog."
So there it is.
posted by
Just Mary at 1:28 AM
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wSunday, May 13, 2001 |
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Whoops, I've been found out.
heh
Makes me nervous that Worg is the one who found the link and alerted Mr. Nosuch. Why nervous? Because I've tangled with him in the past. Because the guy clearly dislikes me and my main character in clanlord. Its difficult not to have the sense of someone peering at you, looking for chinks in your armor so they can ram their sword in and twist.
The other day, I was talking to a character in CL who I helped transfer items to a new character - one with a rather complex and interesting background. He commented "you know, a lot of people hate... I mean really *hate* you... and I can't figure out if its IC or OOC." I can't either sometimes.
Most of those who seem to really hate her are male. I don't know if its because she's fairly assertive and girls aren't supposed to be assertive. We're supposed to defer, be quiet, flatter... Maybe its because I'm fairly confident and get in someone's face when I think they're wrong. Or maybe other females in CL are not going to have a face to face confrontation and they hate the character as much as the more vocal boyz. I can understand that. Maybe its because of her Clan affiliation. I have characters in two of the most hated clans in the lands. Heh. Even those clans don't like each other.
My first year and a half, two years in CL, my character was pretty meek. She was funny, outgoing, never got bk, and seemed to be universally liked and respected. With the exception of a few folks she tangled with (who I did the "you ok with this" thing when the chars interactions got particularly combatative) she mostly kept her head down. Snerts she stood up to, harassment she stood up, to but she was pretty meek compared to how she can be now. I simply didn't want to draw too much attention to her because becoming someone's target felt like a dangerous proposition. I decided to take a few risks and let her do some things I would never do, in the interests of storyline (which is STILL largely unrevealed). And I've backed off a lot of that, simply because it was too difficult for me to play, what with the depression I've experienced around the loss of my mom and the hard times around the holidays and being sick. I couldn't take the heat and felt like my character was becoming the whetstone for so many axes.
Oh well. I don't really want to turn this into a "101 reasons why we hate you" comment opportunity on my blog. Nor a "101 reasons why we love you." Its simply on my mind, because someone who would happen to delight in my character's destruction (and has absolutely no respect for my personal feelings) found this blog.
The following was written on Friday, but due to blogger being down, wasn't posted.
Coming to from this week, which frankly has been a bit hellish. Losing McKinley is a big thing to me.
As pathetic as this sounds, my cats are the only family I really have since my mom died. Oh, I have a brother in MN, but we aren't very close. Mom really mediated the relationship between he and I. In the wake of her death, despite my attempts to forge a separate relationship with him and his wife, it hasn't taken. We had some fights over money issues which I won't go into here... and there seems to be some lingering unspoken resentment.
My only regret is that I don't get more contact with his kids, who are awesome.
Anyway, to a lot of people, the death of a cat might not be a big thing. To me, I've lost a friend and companion. Plus with all the other Death shit that's gone on that I'm still dealing with, its additionally poignant.
I've entertained the idea of getting a kitten. Its kitten season right now, after all. That, however, would be crazy. a) I can't afford it... gretchen and luney have some chronic health issues that are going to get more spendy as time goes on. Gretchen is 15, after all, getting cataracts and is prone to cystitis. She's finally not stressing anymore over the addition of Annie Laurie (my mom's cat) to our house. Luney (yes the character is named after her) has kidney problems... elevated protein levels at a pretty young age (about 4 years old), which means in a few years, she'll have to get fluid drips and possibly dialysis, should I chose to keep her alive. Hard to say what I'm going to do when it comes to that. The point is, my current cats are spendy, what with special veterinary diets and impending medical problems. And kittens are expensive. When I consider the emotional impact on Gretchen, I think I'll not do it.
But, there's this big hole in my heart with McKinley gone... I know that would help. :/
My sleep schedule is fucked right now. Putting McKinley down sent me to bed at 7pm that night... I woke up around 1am. Was awake til 5, slept til 9, napped in the afternoon... sigh. So last night I went to nap around 6ish and slept til 9:30. I decided to just stay up and work. So I got a lot done last night. Have discussion section at 11am (its 6:30 am now) and class at 3:30... then I'll try to stay up til 9 or 10 and CRASH for the night. Hopefully that will put me back on track.
Overall I'm feeling better after getting some things done last night... depression sometimes makes it hard to do anything, even tho' doing *something* always makes me feel better. Weird, that... inertia just makes you feel worse, which adds to the inertia.
posted by
Just Mary at 3:35 PM
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wWednesday, May 09, 2001 |
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McKinley Morganfield, 1988-2001
Back in 1988, I was living with Geoff in a really neat flat near Dolores Park in San Francisco. We both were gone from the apartment a lot - he was working in a software start-up in Sillycon Valley, I was working and going to school.
My cat Gretchen was going on 2 years old and was getting stressed out from being alone too much. She was getting bladder infections all the time, and did NOT like having to take syringes of cranberry juice to alleviate her symptoms before it turned into a full blown infection. So Geoff and I decided to get a friend for her... a kitten.
We checked the local human society but didn't find any kittens... it wasn't quite full blown kitten season yet. A co-worker of his was living in a boarding house in Palo Alto and told us about a litter of kittens that had been born to a feral cat living under the house. So we went down to see them when they were about 5 weeks old. Indeed, there were about 4 kittens under the house. We agreed to take one.
His friend waited until we judged them to be about 7 weeks. This lil dark muddy colored tiger stuck his head out the farthest and was nabbed. And he came to live with us.
He could fit in the palm of our hand he was so tiny. And he didn't quite have the knack of eating down. From my years working in a vet clinic, I knew what to do. I made up a milk/nutrical/kitten food mixture, dipped it in a rag for him to suckle. And gradually I taught him how to eat. He didn't know about litterboxes, so similar to how a momma cat litter trains her kittens (by dropping them into the litterbox and making 'em stay there until they use it) I litterbox trained him.
Gretchen initially was NOT happy about the whole thing. Who was this "invader?" She beat him up for about 3 days... and then one day, when he was sacked out on the couch, she jumped up, sniffed him... I was like "uh oh.. " but I decided to watch. She started licking his head, and he turned his face up to her with this sleepy look like "mom!" And a great cat friendship was born.
We decided to name him "McKinley Morganfield" after the great bluesman Muddy Waters, because he was sorta muddy colored and dark and sang the blues when he wanted some food.
When Geoff and I broke up, we decided that both the cats should stay together. So, I got "custody" of Mckinley, even tho' he was ostensibly "Geoff's cat."
McKinley was more like a dog than a cat... he would give lil "catbarks"... short meows that sounded more like a bark than a meow. He loved exploring the great outdoors... when I lived in a house up in Colma, he liked to sleep out in the garden. He'd make himself a lil nest under a shrub. Whenever I'd come home, he'd give a catbark, I'd say hi, he'd come trotting out, and flop down on the ground for a belly scratch, right in front of me. I'd pick him up and he'd ride into the house on my shoulder, purring. Even when it was raining, he'd be out under a shrub and would meow at me... he had a lil cat door that led to the basement, but it was his choice to hang outside.
When I moved down here, almost four years ago, he was again in kitty heaven. He loved to sit on top of the roof of my lil house, meowing at me when I came home, and leaping off the roof to come inside.
When he had his checkup last November, I noticed his weight was a little down, but I didn't think very much of it. In late December I noticed he looked thinner, and was pretty quiet... choosing to spend most of his time curled up and sleeping. He just wasn't his old self.
I took him into the vet finally in late January but we didn't see the usual doc... one of the associates. It was the end of the day, and I was a little irritated with her, because she was loud and wasn't responding to him with any sensitivity -- he would get really scared at the vets. He wouldn't bite or anything like that... just was scared. I didn't feel like she gave him a very good exam, but she did some bloodwork on him. I was concerned about diabetes and liver n kidney function. Turned out his thyroid level was low. She called me in early Feb with the results and suggested we start him on Thyroxin.
At that point, I was sick myself and had surgery. So I didn't get McKinley started on his thyroid meds til April. Being a student, finances were pretty tight, what with delays in financial aid and such. Plus, being depressed, I had a hard time taking care of myself. But once he started on the Thyroxin, he started to perk up... he began grooming himself again, tho he didn't do a very good job at it. It was like he forgot how to use his tongue. I tried checking in his mouth, but couldn't see anything wrong. And he did seem to be improving, so I figured it was a matter of time before he was his old self.
But last week, I was noticing how thin he was. My financial aide for spring quarter finally came in on may 1st, so I had in my mind to get him back in to check his thyroid levels. He seemed to be having trouble eating still, but his teeth were kinda bad so I thought he might need a dentistry. When I fed him monday night, I put him in the bathroom by himself, figuring that he wasn't getting enough food cuz gretchen was scarfing hers and then his. But he only ate a lil bit.
So I called on Tues morning and made arrangements to take him in that afternoon.
When I described the symptoms to his regular vet, he said it didn't sound like thyroid. He'd also dropped down to 8 pounds. He was 12.5 pounds last november. The vet opened his mouth and noticed his tongue seemed swollen. He got his finger in and then found the mass under the tongue.
Dr Horne said to me "this looks like a cancer of the tongue I've seen a lot in cats. If indeed that's what it is, there's not much we can do about it. There's really nothing I can do to help him." You can't cut out a cat's tongue, and he had declined so much. Apparently its a pretty vicious form of cancer, fast growing. A sarcoma of some kind. He suggested we give him a light anesthesia, and probe the mouth and throat to verify. And then he gently suggested it might be best to put him down.
I had tears running down my face at this point, but I knew the doctor was right. So while they prepared the surgery room, I held him on the exam table. He pressed his little head under my arm to hide -- he was so scared at the vet's usually. I petted him, with tears running down my face, telling him what a good friend he was - my BuddyCat.
They took him in back and called me in when he was under. He was laid out on the table, so thin.. with a metal spring holding his mouth open. The doctor showed me the mass... the underside of his tongue was all hard and swollen and looked like orange skin. There was really no point to doing a biopsy. He was certain of what it was. I've seen enough tumor pictures that I knew he was right.
So we agreed to put him down. I asked to stay with him. While they prepared the paperwork, I petted him.. he was under light anesthesia... I rubbed his soft belly, told him what a good guy he was... how much I loved him. The vet came in with the syringe and inserted it into his leg vein. With my hand on him, petting him, the doctor injected the euthenasia cocktail. And in a matter of seconds he was gone.
I stayed with him awhile longer... just petting him, crying. He was a part of my life for a long time -- my goodnatured, cheerful puppycat.
I miss him and know I will for a long time.
posted by
Just Mary at 12:02 PM
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wTuesday, May 08, 2001 |
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Hmmm... I would have expected this blog to archive automatically, but I guess not. So at some point soon, I'll dig in and figure out how to do it. In the meantime, bear with increased load time as this gets longer.
Exhausted today. Almost no sleep last night. I'm tired n crabby and just want to go back to sleep.
posted by
Just Mary at 1:16 PM
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wMonday, May 07, 2001 |
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Ah, another unproductive weekend. I think I'm going to have to throw away my clanlord application so I can get some shit done.
Financial aide update -- school gave me a direct deposit disbursement twice. Haven't had this much cash in the bank in ages. Now I have to send 'em back some $2700. School is quite anxious that I do this promptly, and I've received TWO stern letters to that effect late last week. (which was how I found out about their mistake) They should chill. I'll give 'em the money back tomorrow.
Test results -- 76% which it turns out is A/B border. I'm ok with that. Not as great as I thought I did, based on the prof's warm comment to me about my exam, but that's ok. I'm going to meet with my T/A this week to discuss the exam and find out what they were looking for.
When they passed the exam out, they were beset by some of the pre-meds arguing for points and half points. The policy is, "any regrading will be of the whole exam." Funny, I only run into this policy in my molecular bio classes. I assume this is due to the number of pre-med/pre-vet students who take these classes, I guess, for whom grades are life or death. My organismal classes have been a lot more open about discussion of grading. In any case, I don't tend to argue with profs/teachers for points. I'm interested in finding out what they wanted, what I didn't know, but the points are pretty meaningless to me. I just don't stress on grades the way I did when I was 18/19.
Absolutely gorgeous day in Santa Cruz today. Sunny, nice ocean breeze... "another shitty day in paradise," as my dad used to say when we'd be out sailling on a nice day.
Things I want to do before I leave Santa Cruz:
1. go sailing on monterey bay
2. make an attempt at learning to surf
3. ride my mountain bike up the hill to the university (five miles uphill from where I live. elevation is about 1000 feet, I think... bad knees make this harder than it sounds)
4. Do more scuba diving in Big Sur
Jacque cousteau is said to have considered big sur one of his favorite places in the world to scuba dive. I've only been down there a few times, mostly on dive boats. The underwater landscape is unreal -- invert encrusted walls and rocks, more rich than you ever see up in carmel bay, which is heavily dived. My neat sightings include a 6 footish leopard shark, napping in a sand channel and a salp which I think was Thetys vagina: a colonial gelatinous critter that grows to 150 feet long. The salp is a chordate, just like humans :) Cool, huh? Sleipy would love that name, I'm sure.
I saw the salp when I was doing a safety stop -- its a good idea to just hang in about 15-20 feet of water for a few minutes to do some preliminary offgassing of the nitrogen that accumulates in your body when you're breathing air under water. It was a beautiful day, the visibility was about 90 feet which is rare for the nutrient rich waters around big sur and monterey bay. I just hung in the water column... still and floating and watched the salp. I'd never seen anything like it before. There was actually a lot of jellies in the water that day, which is always a nice treat. The bull kelp I observed in the distance reminded me of women standing with their long hair blowing in the breeze.
Diving has to be the best drug I've ever done.
Other memorable dive was when we actually went off some cliffs. We hiked 1/4 of a mile from the road, half dressed in 1/4" wetsuits, on a 90 degree day, hauling scuba tanks and some kayaks. We had to then carefully pick our way down some 60 feet of cliffs to a rock platform below, which was another 30 feet above the water via very large boulders. The marine habitat we were in was pretty pristine, but I was absolutely exhausted from getting to the dive site. Nothing like hiking in a wetsuit on a hot day, hauling gear and cliff scrambling.
Getting out of the water was via what I call the "seal technique." You hang just off the rocks and wait for a wave to wash you up on the rock, get a good grip on the rock and hang on like crazy to keep from being pulled back off by the waves. Not anywhere near as easy as it sounds, particularly for an upper torso wimp like myself.
Two of the guys in the group had their dive kayaks with 'em... so they launched em and paddled out a mile or so to a rock jutting out of the water with a nice untouched kelp forest. They reported being dive bombed by about 50 sea lions, who don't often see divers down in those waters.
I'm not butch enough for kayak diving, but I'd like to be. I guess I should add that to my list of things to do before leaving SC.
(Note to self: get more butch n tuff)
posted by
Just Mary at 12:32 PM
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wFriday, May 04, 2001 |
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"Be it resolved that the Legislature of Louisiana does hereby deplore all instances and ideologies of racism, and does hereby reject the core concepts of Darwinist ideology that certain races and classes of humans are inherently superior to others."
Stuff like this makes me ashamed of the united states. I simply can't fathom that evolution is even disputed. Opponents love to assert "its just a theory" without any understanding of what "theory" means in science.
I thought we were through with this stuff after the brouhaha in Kansas was overturned. I can't believe that parents are willing to cripple their children's education by opposing the teaching of evolution. Or demand that crackpot psuedo science such as "creationism" be taught as an opposing theory.
It astounds me.
posted by
Just Mary at 3:47 AM
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wThursday, May 03, 2001 |
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Found a really cool website tonight, designed more for the layperson, but really really fun. Cells Alive offers some basics on the immune system, bacterial growth... great photos, and you can buy videos of things like cell division, cell death, a white blood cell and how it kills a bacterial invader. Lest anyone think I sit at home and watch videos of cancer cell growth fer fun, I don't! (My VCR is busted...heh ) I just think this site is a pretty clever educational tool.
The weekend was kind of uneventful... I was a bit down for most of it. Got some homework done, did too much clanning and got some work done. Dealt with major financial fu on monday and tues and finally got my financial aid released. Yay, money! I can buy real food now! My rent check is covered! whee...
Gosh I love the poverty aspect of student-hood.
Spent a little time on the NG arguing over whether scripting is ok or not. I simply can't believe that folks in Clanlord are willing to stand up and say "we didn't know better" as a defense to setting up autoheal macros for healers sitting in the safe cave in the foothills. Such garbage. Cheaters cheaters cheaters, as Ashe so aptly put it.
Ya know, I can't help but muse at what the response would be if PM had done something similar. Holy hell, the clan would have been crucified. But naturally, PM doesn't do that kind of stuff. Say what you will, but the clan doesn't cheat. Or whine about "how hard" the foothills are.
Mr Absurdum and his sweetie are on my mind tonight. I can't begin to guess what triggered her episode of illness, but it sounds like its related to the diabetes. I completely sympathize with how freaked Kirk must have been.
I recall one of the times my mother, a "brittle" diabetic diagnosed when I was 5, got really sick. I was around 8 years old.. my father, an airline pilot, was out on a trip and I woke up at 3am to the sounds of moaning. I crept downstairs and went into my mom's room where she was gripping her side and thrashing around on the bed. I wanted to call an ambulance, but she kept saying "no no no..." So finally, I called her best friend, who came over and called 911.
Mom was in a coma for a week. No idea what precipitated the coma, except that her blood sugar regulation had been tweaked out for awhile due to stress. It was her second coma and she'd have another a few years later.
So my best wishes out to K and his sweetie. Hope she gets to feeling better soon.
Class today was great ... 25/25 on my development paper and my prof said "I really liked your midterm..." Whatever that means, it must have been good. We get 'em back on Friday. Tried to do some reading tonight on some lab's websites about Xenopus development (frog), and cell signalling, but I ended up on The Surf... meaning surfing around from cool science site to cool science site. Found some great bookmarks for future reference, but didn't do enough studying.
posted by
Just Mary at 2:23 AM
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